"Your mother and I think that if the American economy can be billions in debt and still survive, so can you."

Thank you, Confessions of a Shopaholic. Thank you for making my mind race.

This is a dangerous statement. It informs, criticizes, pacifies and justifies all in a half of a second. Making a valid point, a person can easily survive when in debt. Perhaps there is a glooming cloud hovering over them every step they take, but nonetheless they can pull through. Yes, having a poor credit score can hurt someone in many ways, but it all comes down to the fact that owing money on your credit card, as long as it is not near maxing out, does not hinder your state of life.

This is scary.

Like, terrifying.

This is the realization that every credit card holder at one point experiences and manages to use as justification for racking up the monthly bill more and more every time around. And I've hit it.

I recently went out to the bar to celebrate my friend's 22nd birthday. Fun times, right? Someone please tell me how a late, post-dinner evening of a $2 rail drinks special ends with my tab being $40? PRE TIP. Really? I am not a big drinker. Scratch that, I can be, but that is not the point - I did not purchase forty dollars worth of rail alcohol. And I tend to stay within the specials when I drink. Oh, but then there's the gentlemen a few seats down who bought us shots, so when I bought my 2 friends and I a round of Graham Crackers, I felt it only appropriate to buy them each one as well. Oh, and you can't forget about the french fries. Damn. But OH, it's alright... It's going on my credit card. I deserve it.

Even though I just put gas in my tank last week.

Even though I already owe around $40/month.

Even though it is HOLIDAY SEASON.

I HATE MONEY. I hate having it, not having it, and the need to consider it when making any sort of decision... ever. But more than hating any of those things, I hate that I worked last summer at a restaurant, saving some serious cash. And now... it's barely there (like the underwear line...what is it? Barely There? A description of my cash flow can represent panties.) - all because I had to turn 21 this year and not regulate how much I actually spend on going out. All because I didn't take the time to prioritize and work often and all that CRAP. All that crap I was tired of doing, because I had been so on top of it over the summer and the following months that I assumed I'd been responsible enough for the entire next year.

Oh, naivete, how I love you. Thank you for making your presence known again.

I am so thankful for my mother helping me out when I have break downs about these things, because although she manages to guilt trip more than I even knew was possible, she comes through when I need her.

I love that she seems to think that because I've made a mistake somehow, I probably don't know that it is actually my responsibility or that I was at fault, so she feels the need to inform me. Really, Mom? Really? (You know I love you, though.)

I really am so lucky to have her, though. My mom is my best friend. She's strong, independent, divorced, working here and there, and loves my sister and I. And shows it. And has raised me to be a confident, independent, scatter-brained, easily excited twenty-something. Oh, and I'm happy. That may be something that's slightly important. Well, I believe so anyway. Happiness? A good thing. It shouldn't be rare but is in today's world unfortunately. I don't mean content - I mean happy. Think about the difference.

That's my thought of today.

Think about the difference of happiness and contentment - it was ultimately the reason I was okay when my last relationship ended... I was content - not happy in it.

Just think about it.